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[fic] a speck of life in ours
Class 2's Takamiya Sayaka had been lingering around Toshio and Seishin's class these past few weeks.
Considering she was known as one of the most beautiful girls at school, naturally their classmates started gossiping. She had a boyfriend from this class, they hypothesized, and when none of the boys admitted they had resorted into wondering aloud whether she had someone she liked instead. Predictably this had become one of their main topics of the week.
"Here she is, again." One girl pointed at the long-haired figure standing not far from the class' door. She was currently with her friends, and many people who passed their class by looked at the group curiously.
Another girl glanced at the door, laughing. "Isn't that rather telling?" The third girl too laughed, nodding in agreement.
"What do you think it is?" Maeno, another classmate, pulled a chair near Toshio and Seishin and sat down unceremoniously.
Seishin looked up from his book; that had been one of his birthday gifts (people didn't know what to give him aside from books). Toshio just looked straight ahead beyond the open window, body strained and chin perched on one hand. Seishin had never been privy to any gossip so he didn't know what to think about this one, and Toshio who normally liked to indulge in gossips more than he did had seemed uninterested.
"I don't know... shouldn't we just leave her alone?" Seishin piqued, clearly disagreeing with people gossiping about someone who especially might've had heard them. Maeno just snorted.
"Come on Muroi, what's the harm? Clearly she's okay with it too, or else she wouldn't have prompted this for weeks already. It's a spectacle."
Seishin's frown deepened, which Maeno ignored. He nudged at Toshio instead, "I'd say it's you, Ozaki. What about it?"
Toshio finally turned his head toward Maeno and raised one eyebrow. "Heh. How so?"
Maeno leaned back on the chair, legs spread wide. "Just think about it. She's popular, if she's got eyes on the rest of the guys they'd have had already gone out since day one. Even me! But instead she's been prolonging this quiet longing-from-the-background thing for weeks already. Meaning it's someone who must haven't been exactly noticing her."
"You're forgetting this guy here," Toshio pointed at Seishin. Seishin jolted a bit in his seat, shocked at how he was being dragged.
Maeno blinked, before doubling over in laughter. "Hahahah ha-ha! Ah, I'm sorry Muroi, it's just..."
Seishin felt his cheeks heating up a bit, but he kept quiet.
Maeno was still coming down from laughter. "Haha ha... hah, but seriously Ozaki. Don't you want to go out with her? What else could you want, just look at her. The most beautiful girl at school, and she's pretty hot as well don't you think?"
"Nah, nope, not interested. If you want her you could just grab her."
"...This guy, seriously?"
The two boys kept bantering and ignored Seishin completely, which he didn't mind. He returned to the open pages of his book, but every so often glanced at them and quipped when he was being asked.
The afternoon only three days after, Seishin was just returning from the teacher's office. When he arrived however he was surprised by the sight of his classmates crowding the windows, shouting and whistling at something below.
"What's wrong?"
A female classmate noticed him, beckoning him to a spot at one available window. "Takamiya-san is confessing to Ozaki-kun!"
It was just as she said-- Takamiya and Toshio were on the small walking area behind the building, separated from the running track field by a fence. Takamiya was saying something and Toshio was leaning on the fence, arms crossed.
The shouting and whistling quickly died down however as their classmates noticed that the conversation between the two people wasn't going as they expected. There wasn't any hugging or even kissing, only Takamiya keeping saying something of which Toshio hadn't seemed to be responding favorably to. After a few minutes Toshio walked away, leaving Takamiya likely shouting after him. She was soon approached by her two friends, consoling her. Takamiya looked like she was sobbing.
"What the--?" "No way!!" "How?" Their classmates' voices once more raised in volume, but it was because of their incredulity at what'd just happened. Seishin himself was confused at the scene.
When Toshio had returned he was soon being crowded by their classmates, one group asking him what had just happened and why he rejected Takamiya's advance, and another group wasn't so subtly judging him for his rough behavior toward her. Seishin just stared at the spectacle not very far away, quiet. Toshio soon noticed him in the corner and dragged him outside into the rooftop, every intention of escaping the angry crowd.
"Damn. Thought there would be people upset, but I didn't really think it would be them?" Toshio said incredulously, closing the door into the rooftop shut.
"They had been rooting for you." Seishin answered, looking for the shade and stood there.
"And now they are acting as if I had betrayed them, funny that." Toshio slipped his hands into his trousers' pockets, mumbling something which sounded like 'should've brought my cigarettes here'.
They spent a few more minutes in silence, Toshio kicking his shoes into the concrete below and Seishin just staring off into the distance.
It was Seishin who first broke the silence in a meek voice: "But Toshio... you were too rough with her. She was crying."
Toshio stared back at Seishin, eyes widening. "I wasn't being unreasonable. I didn't want to accept her, so I rejected her."
"Couldn't you at least reject her a bit more kindly?"
"Honestly?" Toshio stared dumbfoundedly at his childhood friend. "I was just rejecting her. That she took it as an offense was something I couldn't help. Could you even hear from two stores above what I was saying? You couldn't, and yet you are judging me just from the fact that she was hurt. Did you ever ask me about what was going on, what I was actually saying to her? You're no different from those guys, huh?"
Seishin was immediately silent. Toshio just clicked his tongue in annoyance.
"You lot are pushing me into a certain role, thinking how nice it'd be if I could just go along with it. You all expected me to accept her advance while not even considering what I wanted. I would never accept being forced into that kind of stupid thing, aren't you aware about it?"
It was Seishin's turn to look at the concrete below him, feeling ashamed. "...Toshio, I'm sorry."
Toshio just looked at him and sighed, waving his hand and mumbling something about leaving the matter to rest.
The sun changed its course gradually and the shade had moved bit by bit. They were sitting down, following it. It was fall already but somehow it was still just as hot.
"What was it that people saw in her anyway? I don't get," Toshio was mumbling something more, but that was all Seishin could hear.
"Takamiya-san?" Seishin inquired.
"I mean, who else?" Toshio fingered at the concrete, itching for a cigarette. "Say, what do you think of her?"
"I've only spoken with her once or twice, I don't know enough about her as a person."
"That's not what I meant,"
Seishin blinked, not catching Toshio's meaning. "Then, what?"
Toshio turned his head to look at his friend. "You're a guy. As a guy, what do you think of her? Not just as a classmate, but as a man looking at a woman."
Seishin studied his friend for a while, not really sure what kind of direction he intended to take with that question. "She is a beautiful woman."
"No shit, but I meant more than that. Things that are more naughty-- come on, you can admit it to me. Like you wanna kiss her? Or stare at her breasts and butts? Sex?"
Seishin didn't know why Toshio took this turn so suddenly, but he was uncomfortable with it. "What are you intending to say?"
"What, embarrassed?"
Seishin was quiet, clearly not amused. Toshio just shrugged as he waved his hand around. He didn't mean to tease Seishin after all. "I have never thought about her that way, nor any woman for that matter. I rejected her because I didn't see what was so appealing about her, at least not the things Maeno and the others seemed to find from her."
Seishin didn't expect that. "...Oh."
"Surprising, huh? Pretty weird, doesn't it sound?"
Seishin shook his head after some thoughts. "No... I don't think so. It's perhaps just a matter of her individually--"
"What part of 'any woman' you don't get?"
"You're probably just late..."
'Late bloomer?' Toshio chuckled. Seishin continued, "It could be a merely Toshio thing. Everyone is different, so a lot of varieties are sure to be found. I don't think it's anything weird. Besides, the sexual part is not all there is to it, is it not?"
"Huh?"
"I mean... feelings? Not just a body's desire, but what comes from the heart. That you like someone, 'suki'."
"Heh, what about that." Toshio looked at his friend. "How do you 'like' a girl, anyway? What's the difference from liking your friend? What's special about it? If it's about wanting to monopolize someone then I don't think it needs such distinction, because friends can also get possessive. As if people also got married just because they 'like' each other. In short, I don't see the point."
Silence.
Toshio glanced at Seishin, clearly noticing that his friend got confused. "Eh, just forget about it."
"Toshio..."
"Are you trying to console me again? Just forget it." Toshio continued, "All in all, I could never admit that to Maeno and the others. They'd just think I was a homo or something."
Seishin paused. He only dared to speak a minute later, voice meek as if afraid to approach: "Toshio... do you like guys?"
"What? No!!" Toshio whipped his head around to look at his friend, completely shocked. "Knew you'd also think that, you little shit!"
"Toshio, there's nothing wrong with that--"
Toshio released a breath, coming down from initial shock of being accused. "...Of course, it's just like you to think like that. But no, I don't think I'm into guys. No, NOPE."
Seishin too released a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I'm sorry..."
"That's enough sorry for today, don't you think? Honestly."
Seishin hung his head. It was a sensitive topic and he felt immensely bad for making Toshio feel uncomfortable. Toshio finally just dragged him back into the building, and their classmates was no longer that angry at him anymore. Takamiya still tried to approach Toshio for a few days onward, but it was only met by coldness from Toshio.
That conversation on the rooftop with Toshio haunted Seishin until few months later for a reason he didn't know, however.
Considering she was known as one of the most beautiful girls at school, naturally their classmates started gossiping. She had a boyfriend from this class, they hypothesized, and when none of the boys admitted they had resorted into wondering aloud whether she had someone she liked instead. Predictably this had become one of their main topics of the week.
"Here she is, again." One girl pointed at the long-haired figure standing not far from the class' door. She was currently with her friends, and many people who passed their class by looked at the group curiously.
Another girl glanced at the door, laughing. "Isn't that rather telling?" The third girl too laughed, nodding in agreement.
"What do you think it is?" Maeno, another classmate, pulled a chair near Toshio and Seishin and sat down unceremoniously.
Seishin looked up from his book; that had been one of his birthday gifts (people didn't know what to give him aside from books). Toshio just looked straight ahead beyond the open window, body strained and chin perched on one hand. Seishin had never been privy to any gossip so he didn't know what to think about this one, and Toshio who normally liked to indulge in gossips more than he did had seemed uninterested.
"I don't know... shouldn't we just leave her alone?" Seishin piqued, clearly disagreeing with people gossiping about someone who especially might've had heard them. Maeno just snorted.
"Come on Muroi, what's the harm? Clearly she's okay with it too, or else she wouldn't have prompted this for weeks already. It's a spectacle."
Seishin's frown deepened, which Maeno ignored. He nudged at Toshio instead, "I'd say it's you, Ozaki. What about it?"
Toshio finally turned his head toward Maeno and raised one eyebrow. "Heh. How so?"
Maeno leaned back on the chair, legs spread wide. "Just think about it. She's popular, if she's got eyes on the rest of the guys they'd have had already gone out since day one. Even me! But instead she's been prolonging this quiet longing-from-the-background thing for weeks already. Meaning it's someone who must haven't been exactly noticing her."
"You're forgetting this guy here," Toshio pointed at Seishin. Seishin jolted a bit in his seat, shocked at how he was being dragged.
Maeno blinked, before doubling over in laughter. "Hahahah ha-ha! Ah, I'm sorry Muroi, it's just..."
Seishin felt his cheeks heating up a bit, but he kept quiet.
Maeno was still coming down from laughter. "Haha ha... hah, but seriously Ozaki. Don't you want to go out with her? What else could you want, just look at her. The most beautiful girl at school, and she's pretty hot as well don't you think?"
"Nah, nope, not interested. If you want her you could just grab her."
"...This guy, seriously?"
The two boys kept bantering and ignored Seishin completely, which he didn't mind. He returned to the open pages of his book, but every so often glanced at them and quipped when he was being asked.
The afternoon only three days after, Seishin was just returning from the teacher's office. When he arrived however he was surprised by the sight of his classmates crowding the windows, shouting and whistling at something below.
"What's wrong?"
A female classmate noticed him, beckoning him to a spot at one available window. "Takamiya-san is confessing to Ozaki-kun!"
It was just as she said-- Takamiya and Toshio were on the small walking area behind the building, separated from the running track field by a fence. Takamiya was saying something and Toshio was leaning on the fence, arms crossed.
The shouting and whistling quickly died down however as their classmates noticed that the conversation between the two people wasn't going as they expected. There wasn't any hugging or even kissing, only Takamiya keeping saying something of which Toshio hadn't seemed to be responding favorably to. After a few minutes Toshio walked away, leaving Takamiya likely shouting after him. She was soon approached by her two friends, consoling her. Takamiya looked like she was sobbing.
"What the--?" "No way!!" "How?" Their classmates' voices once more raised in volume, but it was because of their incredulity at what'd just happened. Seishin himself was confused at the scene.
When Toshio had returned he was soon being crowded by their classmates, one group asking him what had just happened and why he rejected Takamiya's advance, and another group wasn't so subtly judging him for his rough behavior toward her. Seishin just stared at the spectacle not very far away, quiet. Toshio soon noticed him in the corner and dragged him outside into the rooftop, every intention of escaping the angry crowd.
"Damn. Thought there would be people upset, but I didn't really think it would be them?" Toshio said incredulously, closing the door into the rooftop shut.
"They had been rooting for you." Seishin answered, looking for the shade and stood there.
"And now they are acting as if I had betrayed them, funny that." Toshio slipped his hands into his trousers' pockets, mumbling something which sounded like 'should've brought my cigarettes here'.
They spent a few more minutes in silence, Toshio kicking his shoes into the concrete below and Seishin just staring off into the distance.
It was Seishin who first broke the silence in a meek voice: "But Toshio... you were too rough with her. She was crying."
Toshio stared back at Seishin, eyes widening. "I wasn't being unreasonable. I didn't want to accept her, so I rejected her."
"Couldn't you at least reject her a bit more kindly?"
"Honestly?" Toshio stared dumbfoundedly at his childhood friend. "I was just rejecting her. That she took it as an offense was something I couldn't help. Could you even hear from two stores above what I was saying? You couldn't, and yet you are judging me just from the fact that she was hurt. Did you ever ask me about what was going on, what I was actually saying to her? You're no different from those guys, huh?"
Seishin was immediately silent. Toshio just clicked his tongue in annoyance.
"You lot are pushing me into a certain role, thinking how nice it'd be if I could just go along with it. You all expected me to accept her advance while not even considering what I wanted. I would never accept being forced into that kind of stupid thing, aren't you aware about it?"
It was Seishin's turn to look at the concrete below him, feeling ashamed. "...Toshio, I'm sorry."
Toshio just looked at him and sighed, waving his hand and mumbling something about leaving the matter to rest.
The sun changed its course gradually and the shade had moved bit by bit. They were sitting down, following it. It was fall already but somehow it was still just as hot.
"What was it that people saw in her anyway? I don't get," Toshio was mumbling something more, but that was all Seishin could hear.
"Takamiya-san?" Seishin inquired.
"I mean, who else?" Toshio fingered at the concrete, itching for a cigarette. "Say, what do you think of her?"
"I've only spoken with her once or twice, I don't know enough about her as a person."
"That's not what I meant,"
Seishin blinked, not catching Toshio's meaning. "Then, what?"
Toshio turned his head to look at his friend. "You're a guy. As a guy, what do you think of her? Not just as a classmate, but as a man looking at a woman."
Seishin studied his friend for a while, not really sure what kind of direction he intended to take with that question. "She is a beautiful woman."
"No shit, but I meant more than that. Things that are more naughty-- come on, you can admit it to me. Like you wanna kiss her? Or stare at her breasts and butts? Sex?"
Seishin didn't know why Toshio took this turn so suddenly, but he was uncomfortable with it. "What are you intending to say?"
"What, embarrassed?"
Seishin was quiet, clearly not amused. Toshio just shrugged as he waved his hand around. He didn't mean to tease Seishin after all. "I have never thought about her that way, nor any woman for that matter. I rejected her because I didn't see what was so appealing about her, at least not the things Maeno and the others seemed to find from her."
Seishin didn't expect that. "...Oh."
"Surprising, huh? Pretty weird, doesn't it sound?"
Seishin shook his head after some thoughts. "No... I don't think so. It's perhaps just a matter of her individually--"
"What part of 'any woman' you don't get?"
"You're probably just late..."
'Late bloomer?' Toshio chuckled. Seishin continued, "It could be a merely Toshio thing. Everyone is different, so a lot of varieties are sure to be found. I don't think it's anything weird. Besides, the sexual part is not all there is to it, is it not?"
"Huh?"
"I mean... feelings? Not just a body's desire, but what comes from the heart. That you like someone, 'suki'."
"Heh, what about that." Toshio looked at his friend. "How do you 'like' a girl, anyway? What's the difference from liking your friend? What's special about it? If it's about wanting to monopolize someone then I don't think it needs such distinction, because friends can also get possessive. As if people also got married just because they 'like' each other. In short, I don't see the point."
Silence.
Toshio glanced at Seishin, clearly noticing that his friend got confused. "Eh, just forget about it."
"Toshio..."
"Are you trying to console me again? Just forget it." Toshio continued, "All in all, I could never admit that to Maeno and the others. They'd just think I was a homo or something."
Seishin paused. He only dared to speak a minute later, voice meek as if afraid to approach: "Toshio... do you like guys?"
"What? No!!" Toshio whipped his head around to look at his friend, completely shocked. "Knew you'd also think that, you little shit!"
"Toshio, there's nothing wrong with that--"
Toshio released a breath, coming down from initial shock of being accused. "...Of course, it's just like you to think like that. But no, I don't think I'm into guys. No, NOPE."
Seishin too released a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I'm sorry..."
"That's enough sorry for today, don't you think? Honestly."
Seishin hung his head. It was a sensitive topic and he felt immensely bad for making Toshio feel uncomfortable. Toshio finally just dragged him back into the building, and their classmates was no longer that angry at him anymore. Takamiya still tried to approach Toshio for a few days onward, but it was only met by coldness from Toshio.
That conversation on the rooftop with Toshio haunted Seishin until few months later for a reason he didn't know, however.
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